Consent
Consent must be:
- Mutual – meaning that all people engaged in the sexual activity have agreed to it.
- Voluntary – meaning an individual is saying yes because they want to.
- Consent would not be considered voluntary if an individual:
- was coerced to say yes through manipulation, threats, or pressure; or
- was afraid to say no, was lied to, or physically forced to engage in the sexual activity.
- Consent would not be considered voluntary if an individual:
- Specific – meaning that agreement to one form of sexual activity does not imply agreement to others.
- Ongoing – meaning that consent isn’t something that is given once and then assumed going forward.
- Consent can be revoked at any time before or during the sexual activity.
- It is important to be continuously checking in verbally and/or with a partner’s body language to ensure that consent is still mutual. It is important to check-in if there are any possible signs of discomfort.
- Conscious – meaning a person cannot consent if they are sleeping, unconscious, or incapacitated by drugs or alcohol.
When consent is not given a person may feel scared and unsafe.
There are a number of close-in-age considerations:
- Individuals under the age of 12 cannot consent to sexual activity.
- Individuals aged 12 and 13 may consent to sexual activity with someone who is less than two years older.
- Individuals aged 14 and 15 may consent to sexual activity with someone who is less than five years older.
- Individuals under 18 years old cannot consent to any sexual activity that is:
- exploitative in nature, such as pornography or prostitution;
- with someone who is in a position of power, trust, or authority over them; or
- with someone who they are dependent on.
Verbally
Examples of how consent can be communicated:
- Saying things such as yes, that feels good, I like that
Examples of how a lack of consent can be communicated:
- Saying things such as stop, quit it, I’m not enjoying this
- Making excuses such as I’m not feeling well or I’m tired, I have a boyfriend/girlfriend/partner
- Staying silent or saying nothing at all
Physically
Examples of how consent can be communicated:
- Nodding yes
- Making eye contact
- Pulling someone closer
Examples of how a lack of consent can be communicated:
- Turning, pushing, or moving away
- Trying to keep clothing on
- Lying still or not participating
- Not touching the other person back
- Crying
Think about consent as an ongoing conversation, and one that is embodied. Tuning in to a partner’s boundaries and reading their nonverbal cues is just as important as the verbal conversation. Consent is about respecting each other’s bodies and boundaries.
To learn more about consent check out:
Sexual activity without consent is sexual assault.
If a sexual partner’s voluntary agreement is not clear, it is the responsibility of the person initiating the sexual activity to ask for consent. If pressure, threats, or manipulation are used to get someone to agree to a sexual activity that is coercion – not consent.
When consent is not given a person may feel scared and unsafe – scared they are about to be harmed or even scared their life is at risk. This fear may trigger the body’s flight, fight, freeze response. It is very common to freeze when being sexually assaulted. In this state people may not have the ability to speak or move. This silence does not imply consent.