Your healing journey

The effects of sexual abuse and sexual assault are difficult to overcome, and the journey toward emotional healing can be a long one. There are many pathways to recovery, yet there is no "right" way. Healing is not a tidy, step-by-step process.

Every survivor's healing journey is like a customized road map, and any action that gives you improved health, greater self-awareness or expanded self-esteem will contribute to your progress. The stages of healing won't occur in the same order or to the same degree for each survivor. Some stages may not even happen at all.

But in general terms, these aspects of healing have been identified as common to many sexual abuse and sexual assault survivors:

Making a decision to heal.   The first step is deciding that you want or need to make this change in your life.

Facing the assault.   You begin to realize the impacts your experience has made on your life.

Remembering.   You recall more details and feelings associated with your sexual assault.

Denying denial.   This step involves working through the natural desire to minimize your experience, and to fully accept it as a reality.

Breaking the silence.   You talk to someone about what happened to you.

Healing the shame.   You come to understand and accept that the sexual assault was not your fault and that you are not responsible for it happening.

Learning to trust yourself.   You regain the ability to rely on your perceptions and judgments.

Grief.   You feel and mourn the loss of important qualities of your life that were taken away by the assault: innocence, trust, your sense of security.

Reconnecting.   You're able to explore your deepest feelings about what happened to you, including your anger.

Spiritual growth.   You develop a greater sense of self through art, music, religion or other fulfilling means.

Resolution.   You achieve a degree of inner peace that enables you to return to previous stages of your healing journey if desired, but with less pain and greater self-awareness.

Approaches to healing

There are many different ways to recover from the trauma of sexual abuse and sexual assault, and no two people will follow exactly the same path. A trained counsellor may help you to manage the impacts your experience has caused in your life, and there are other things that may be useful to you:

• Learning and practicing good self-care
• Reading books about sexual violence and the healing process
  
• Exploring audio or video materials designed to boost your self-esteem and belief in your potential
  
• Expressing your creativity by any means: painting, writing, crafting, making music, cooking, gardening or whatever inspires you
• Building a strong support network for yourself
• Keeping a journal or diary
  
• Expanding your horizons: taking courses, trying new things, seeing new places
• Learning or improving life skills that may have been damaged by the assault or abuse: assertiveness, parenting, communicating, etc.
• Adopting a regular spiritual practice such as daily prayer, meditation, yoga, tai-chi or whatever fits your own beliefs
• Doing nothing: giving yourself permission for a time-out to simply "stop and smell the roses"
• Reaching for help in hard times by connecting with an AASAS member agency

You're the one who's in charge of your own healing journey. With encouragement from people who love and care, you can create your own unique pathway to take to there.

AASAS member agencies are located all over Alberta. They're able to talk with you about your experience and explain how to begin your healing process. If you're ready, you can click here to connect with someone you can trust and who really wants to help you.

What happened to you is not your fault

People of every age, race and cultural background experience sexual assault. You did not choose to have this happen to you. Sexual abuse and assault is never the fault of the person it happens to.

It doesn't matter where you were or how you were behaving. It doesn't matter what you were wearing or saying. It doesn't even matter whether you were drinking or using drugs. You did not deserve to be assaulted or abused. Nobody does.

It's NOT your fault. The person who did this to you is entirely responsible for what has happened. That person has committed a crime.